When I was a little girl, I thought I was never going to marry. Well, that's not entirely true. I thought I was going to marry my dad. You see, a girl's first love is her dad, and my dad was definitely my first love. But as I grew a little older, I came to understand the difference between family love and romantic love.
I remember the first time I fell in love. I was four years old and in kindergarten. It was with this boy whose name I unfortunately don't recall. But what I do recall is his little smile, and how I was walking down the aisle (in my head of course). Ever since that day, I couldn't stop fantasizing about my own wedding. I would spend hours flipping through magazines looking for the perfect dress, the perfect shoes, the perfect jewelry, the perfect hairstyle ... Thinking about my future wedding was so exciting. It made me feel happy. It made me feel alive. I just couldn't wait to grow up, spread my wings, and fly away with my prince.
But now that I'm all grown up and my moment has finally come, I'm starting to feel all kinds of emotions. I'm sad. I'm scared. I feel selfish. I feel selfish because I feel like I'm abandoning my parents. They've taken care of me my entire life, and instead of repaying them for their kindness and love, I'm turning my back and starting my own family. What I also can't help but wonder about is what's going to happen once I have children. I will be so busy raising them that I will probably not have time to think so much about my parents.
My heart is aching in every possible way.
I know I'm no longer a little girl. I know I need to let go. I know I need to accept the fact that this is life. It's just very hard right now.