Why I Would Never Undo My Experience with Bulimia
I know you're probably perplexed by the title of this blog post and I honestly don't blame you. But please hear me out. Please hear my story out.
Suffering form an eating disorder is horrible, absolutely horrible. It's not only physically draining but it's also mentally exhausting. You spend your days feeling sick or making yourself sick. You spend your days thinking about food and only food. You spend your days isolated from the world. You spend your days sad and depressed. But this isn't how life should be lived, is it? We weren't put on this planet to suffer. We were put on this planet to live a life with purpose.
If you've been following my journey for a while, you know I battled bulimia from the age of 16 to the age of 25. Those were the hardest years of my life. During those years, I wasn't living; I was surviving. Every day was a battle, a battle for my life. But it's now been almost 5 years since my recovery and that's what matters the most.
Now the infamous question: "If you could turn back time and change your fate, would you?" And the answer to this question is a simple no. I wouldn't because of a couple of reasons...
1. It made me stronger
Knowing I was able to beat an eating disorder (and on my own) gives me an incredible amount of strength. If I was able to kick my bulimia's ass then I can do anything, absolutely anything in this world.
2. It helped me understand the importance of food
When I was bulimic, I was petrified of food. Why? Because to me food meant gaining weight and I was petrified of gaining weight. But after years of feeling this way, I decided to take a leap of faith and pursue recovery like it was my full-time job. I started doing research on everything related to fitness and nutrition. After months of doing that, I understood that food is actually fuel and that you don't have to eat less, you just gotta eat right.
3. It gave me a purpose
Every since I was a little girl, I've always wanted to live my life with purpose. I've always wanted to do things that would make me feel proud. And I've always wanted to do something for others. Thanks to my experience with bulimia (yes, I'm saying thanks!), I can now provide support to those suffering from this horrific disorder. I'm extremely vocal about eating disorders and mental illnesses, and I do everything I can to bring awareness to these issues.
4. It taught me the signs of an eating disorder
If someone in my surrounding develops an eating disorder, trust me, I'll be the first one to know. And I'll step in. Oh you better be sure I'll step in. I won't let anyone go through what I'd gone through.
5. It's going to make me a great mother
I'll spoil my children with love. I'll remind them every single day how beautiful and amazing they are. I'll teach them self-love. I'll introduce them to food, to all food. I'll make sure they never describe food as healthy or unhealthy. I'll make sure they never use the word deprivation. I'll do everything in my power so that they live a thriving, healthy and happy life.
6. It taught me how to value my health
Health is the most precious and the most important thing we have as humans. Without health, we have nothing... we are nothing. When I was 24, I ended up in the hospital. I had put my body through so much that it couldn't take it anymore. And you know what the doctor told me as soon as the paramedics brought me to the ER? She told me I was lucky. I guess she meant I was lucky to be alive. Today, there's nothing I appreciate more than my health and I wouldn't do anything that would jeopardize it.