Weird Shit They Don't Tell You About Pregnancy

Weird Shit They Don't Tell You About Pregnancy

Before I got pregnant, I didn't know much about pregnancy. In fact, the only thing I knew - and I'm not even kidding - was that most expectant moms experience morning sickness. But you know what? There's more. So much more. I'm only 19 weeks pregnant and I've already experienced quite a few embarrassing and uncomfortable symptoms. I just wonder, why no one talks about them.

If you've been following me for a while, you know I'm pretty open about my life. I'm not afraid of sharing my most embarrassing or my most vulnerable moments. I'm literally an open book. And today, I'll be sharing with you some of the weird shit people don't tell you about pregnancy. 

Lightning crotch

"WTF is lightning crotch?" you're probably asking yourself. And honestly I don't blame you. In my 30 years of existence I've never heard anyone, and I repeat anyone, talking about this. It blows my mind because it's apparently very common. So lightning crotch is basically crotch pain. It kinda feels like you've been kicked in the vagina a hundred times. Not fun let me tell you. It's due to your baby's repositioning in the uterus. 


You know how they say that women don't fart? HAHA! It just makes me laugh so hard. When you're pregnant, you're basically an old man with a huge belly who can't stop farting and burping. So why are moms-to-be so gassy? It's due to the hormone called progesterone, which is responsible for relaxing muscles in your body. This subsequently slows down digestion and leads to gas and burping. 

Trapped gas

I've just talked about gas and now I'm about to talk about trapped gas. Are you confused? Don't be. The funny thing about pregnancy is that one day you'll be relieving gas with every step you take and the next day it'll all be trapped in your digestive tract. Have you ever experienced trapped gas? Because let me tell you it hurts like a b*. 

Vaginal discharge

"EWW what is that?" is a sentence that I murmur to myself way more often than I'd like. You see, when you're pregnant, lots of things come out of your body that aren't necessarily sexy. But hey, that's the way it is. So stop crying, wipe those humongous vaginal tears and carry on with your day.

Itchy skin

Sometimes I forget I'm a woman. Sometimes I think I'm an animal. I'm constantly scratching myself. Everything is just so itchy - my stomach, my arms, my legs, my boobs. What is that baby doing to my body?

Perineal massage

This isn't a symptom like the other ones, but it's definitely something that needs to be addressed. So while I was doing research on how to have an easy labor (yes, I'm only 19 weeks pregnant and already doing that kind of research), I stumbled upon this perineal massage thing.  What is it? It's the massage of your perineum and it should be done later in your pregnancy to reduce the risk of tearing. In other words and in very simplified and non-medical words, it's basically a vaginal massage - you stick your two thumbs in your vagina and perform a massage. Google it!

I'm sure there's more stuff, but for now that's all I have. I may do a second version of this once I'm in my third trimester. There's probably more "fun" things waiting for me.