Before becoming a mom, Instagram was a fun and stress-free app that gave me the opportunity to share my fitness journey. When you clicked on my profile, you could see my workouts, healthy meals and occasional lame posed selfies. However, things took on a different turn when I became pregnant. Suddenly, my life changed, my focus changed and thus my content. I started to open up. I started to open up physically, mentally and emotionally. And once I gave birth to my baby girl, I became an open book, a complete open book.
Sharing my deepest vulnerabilities has allowed me to grow a supportive community of amazing moms and moms-to-be. It’s incredible and I’m extremely grateful. However, what happens when you gain a bigger following? You not only gain friends, but unfortunately you also gain trolls - people who deliberately spread negativity and take pleasure in bringing others down. This normally isn’t a problem if you have thick skin. I unfortunately don’t.
I had trolls come on to my page pre-Luna. They would usually make fun of my physique, especially my butt because it wasn’t big and round enough for a fitness person. Would it hurt me? Yes, sometimes, but I would usually just shake it off and move on with my life. “If you were able to shake it off before why can’t you do it now?” you may ask. Well, because now these trolls are mom-shamers and they’re attacking my parenting skills - and just me as a person - in hurtful language.
Instead of ignoring these bullies, I thought I had to prove them, and everyone, that I was a good mom. So I spend my days thinking about captions and doing stories trying to show that Luna was happy and in good hands. I became obsessed. I became so obsessed that I forgot to be present in my baby’s life. What kind of a mother does that? I truly feel so ashamed now.
So stepping away from Instagram was exactly what I needed. I needed to take time off to reconnect with myself and with my baby girl. And damn, it felt good.
Thank you to everyone who stuck around. I’m now back feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world.